Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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