non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
