butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
