My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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