I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
