A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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