someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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