You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
