the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
