I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize