how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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