I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
