I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize