so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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