I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
