the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
one two three fourrrrnication!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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