I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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