Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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