This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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