I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
