Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
