i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sarcasm needs its own font
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
