he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize