Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
