Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
