Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
