I feel great
I just peed on a car
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
