just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
