Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
