The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
