Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize