My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
