it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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