I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
