Your dad touched me again.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
