I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
