i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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