yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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