Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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