take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Terrible idea I love it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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