Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize