she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
