I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
