omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
