thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
