I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
