this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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