He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
