i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
