He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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