I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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