Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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