i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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