it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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