We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
