My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
