He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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