It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
