You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
