I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
