So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
