Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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