I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
