So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
