So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
