Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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