is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
