it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
