There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
