Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize