and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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