It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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