I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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