i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
