I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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