Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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