Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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