apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize