: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
