We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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