He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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