Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
