we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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