He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
