you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
there is puke in my bra ... again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
