i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
