I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
