a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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