You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
