I just made out with a guy for $7.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
