You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
