Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize